Pop! Pop! Pop!

Breaking the silence
With multiple, 'Pop, Pop, Pops!'
Is the bubble wrap!

Squeezing the plastic
Between your pinching fingers
Bubble wrap. Pop! Pop!

Let it snow, let it snow, let it - oh, whatever!

The weather outside
is frightful - get a clue, man!
Have some hot cocoa.

Sleigh bells ring, are you
list'ning? Like I have a choice?
Stupid noisy bells!

Letter to Santa:
Give me all the toys I want,
you big tub of lard.

Childbirth in a barn,
smelly, noisy animals -
this marriage won't last!

Bleating sheep, drunken
shepherds - ***I*** get to pick the
next vacation, Joe.

Jolly Fat Man

Hundred bouncing kids
Waiting for their Santa turn
Frightened toddler wails.

Daisy air rifle -
that's all I want for Christmas.
You'll put your eye out!

Jolly fat man eats
cookies at ev'ry house, and
yet, no heart attack?

There's a reason why
Ruldolf is the lead reindeer:
Flame plus reindeer farts.

Oh no! The magic
feed corn has gone bad! Santa
hates those reindeer farts.

Just put one foot in
front of the other; you'll be
walking out the door!

Is it spring yet?

'Twas in the moon of
wintertime...yuck! I ask you:
Is it almost spring?

Sleigh bells ring, do you
hear what I hear? In this cold?
Winter wonderland?!?!?!

The snow always looks
so perfect on a postcard;
they don't trudge through it!

Silent Night? Bullspit.

Hark, the angels sing.
Hey, could you keep it down there?
The baby's sleeping.

Silent night. Holy -
Somebody's on the wrong pitch;
No one will admit.

More Christmas Cheer

I heard the bells on
Christmas day - danged noisy bells!
I have a headache!

I saw three ships go
sailing by - male captains won't
ask for directions.

Hark, hear the bells! Glad
Christmas bells! I hate the bells!
Won't they just shut up?

Humbug, bah, humbug!
Bah humbug! Bah humbug, bah!
Humbug, bah, humbug!

Ho ho ho!

Santa will not come -
You've been a bad, bad, bad boy.
Not next year, either.

Rudolf's nose is out
spare bulb in the sleigh, Santa?
Gee, hope there's no fog!

Mom, my stocking is
full of coal and cat litter -
does Santa hate me?

ROUS's

ROUS's
They are totally awesome
Nutria are great!

Picture Friday

Chewing on branches
Aaaah! It's an ROUS!
It will eat your leg!

Westley was stupid
Duh - ROUS's are real!
Fire Swamp: lovely trees.

Defeated the rat:
Time to build a summer home?
Buttercup says no.

Picture Perfect Friday

Okay, so we've learned that slugs are more inspiring than wishbones. Who'd-a-thunk-it? So the picture for this fabulous Friday is...

a Nutria!

Or is it an ROUS?

You decide! Enjoy your haiku, and have a great weekend!

Wild, Wonderful Word Wednesday

Okay all, the word this Wednesday is

wishbone

Remember, your first haiku must use the word in it, but any subsequent poems can be anything you wish. Have fun with this one!

Crazy People

Look - a new movie!
"It will *mess* you up for life"
We should go see it!

My brother is real!
Why can you not believe me?
He will rescue me.

Who wants to write ads?
Who wants to be a fire truck?
Me! Me! Me! Me! Me!

Hello, hello, hel-
lo, what a wonderful word,
Hello! (Hmm, I'm done.)

No Metamucil:
You will get cancer and die
if you can't go poop.

MAH-velous Movie Monday

Happy Monday! The movie for this week is

Crazy People

starring Daryl Hannah and Dudley Moore. Here are links to its imdb page, its wikipedia page, and a page about it on Mutant Reviewers from Heck.

This should be a fertile source for horrible haiku. Remember - no bad words! If you must use a bad word, then use "^@#$*&" instead, like cartoonists do. And no using the Jaguar ad, either. :-)

Hey, Authors!

Just wanted to let you know... I was checking our statistics for the last week. In the last week, we've had visitors from

• China (3!)
• Canada
• Italy
• UK
• France
• India
• Philippines
• and in the US: Arkansas, California, Michigan, Virginia, and 16 guests with no identifying information.

Do you feel famous now?

Bug

Paintball in the woods
colorful car carcasses
Bam! Ha - I got you!

Picture Friday!

Woo hoo! Friday is finally here! And to celebrate, a picture to inspire your horrible haiku:

With credit to Randall K. Hanson.

The slug

Walking on the deck
On a moonless summer's eve
Squish between my toes

Since I already posted a haiku containing today's word, I thought I'd share a second one that was merely inspired by it. I hope you enjoy the wonderful sensory imagery.

Fine flattery?

Victoria drank
a glass of wine with a slug?
Glug, glug goes the slug.

Slug

No takers on slugs?
Slimy, creepy, crawly bugs -
gotta love slime trails!

Victoria drank
a glass of wine with a slug
that she swallowed whole!
(Victoria was a friend of mine on the now defunct WritingChat list. She was a kindergarten teacher and poet by day, and a writer of literary erotica by night. And one evening, as she sat under the moonlit California night in her backyard, with a glass of red wine and some dark chocolate, she reached down for her wine glass and took a sip. But there was... something... that she swallowed with the wine - a SLUG! I wrote her a poem to commemorate the event, and she loved it. Victoria was a sweet, funny, generous lady, and I miss her.)

"Don't slug your sister,"
shouts the mother to her son.
"You know she hits back!"

Twitching antennae
speckled wet slimy body
but naked - no shell

I think that's enough
I can just see the slime trails
along my glass door.

Wacky Word Wednesday

Okay, artists, the wacky word for this week is

SLUG

I'm sure you can write some truly terrible haiku with that one!