Let it snow, let it snow, let it - oh, whatever!

The weather outside
is frightful - get a clue, man!
Have some hot cocoa.

Sleigh bells ring, are you
list'ning? Like I have a choice?
Stupid noisy bells!

Letter to Santa:
Give me all the toys I want,
you big tub of lard.

Childbirth in a barn,
smelly, noisy animals -
this marriage won't last!

Bleating sheep, drunken
shepherds - ***I*** get to pick the
next vacation, Joe.

Jolly Fat Man

Hundred bouncing kids
Waiting for their Santa turn
Frightened toddler wails.

Daisy air rifle -
that's all I want for Christmas.
You'll put your eye out!

Jolly fat man eats
cookies at ev'ry house, and
yet, no heart attack?

There's a reason why
Ruldolf is the lead reindeer:
Flame plus reindeer farts.

Oh no! The magic
feed corn has gone bad! Santa
hates those reindeer farts.

Just put one foot in
front of the other; you'll be
walking out the door!

Is it spring yet?

'Twas in the moon of
wintertime...yuck! I ask you:
Is it almost spring?

Sleigh bells ring, do you
hear what I hear? In this cold?
Winter wonderland?!?!?!

The snow always looks
so perfect on a postcard;
they don't trudge through it!

Silent Night? Bullspit.

Hark, the angels sing.
Hey, could you keep it down there?
The baby's sleeping.

Silent night. Holy -
Somebody's on the wrong pitch;
No one will admit.

More Christmas Cheer

I heard the bells on
Christmas day - danged noisy bells!
I have a headache!

I saw three ships go
sailing by - male captains won't
ask for directions.

Hark, hear the bells! Glad
Christmas bells! I hate the bells!
Won't they just shut up?

Humbug, bah, humbug!
Bah humbug! Bah humbug, bah!
Humbug, bah, humbug!

Ho ho ho!

Santa will not come -
You've been a bad, bad, bad boy.
Not next year, either.

Rudolf's nose is out
spare bulb in the sleigh, Santa?
Gee, hope there's no fog!

Mom, my stocking is
full of coal and cat litter -
does Santa hate me?